July 3, 2008

Whatever Gets You Through The Weekend

After last Friday came and went without a blog entry, I was sent more than one (read: two) email chastising me for going away for a long weekend and leaving only a photograph of Warren Sapp for everyone to look at. I guess I understand the sentiment. I mean, where else in this great big internet could you possibly find pictures of tits and ass except on a football blog?

Well, I'm going away again this weekend, so I'll try to accommodate you. Here are some more cheerleader pictures from the P.R.O. convention in Atlanta. They're not the hottest pictures, but they'll have to do until Jeff Garcia signs a new contract or the 2008 cheerleading squad decides to roll out some new material. Have a good fourth and try not to blow your hand off. Most of you only use one for the keyboard as it is.

Posted by Scott at 12:05 PM | Comments (0)
Tags for this article: cheerleaders

Rookies Are Jackasses

So, at the NFL Rookie Symposium, a four day convention to teach rookies how to behave like professionals, two players got into a fist fight. One player was a Buccaneer, and the other player was... a Buccaneer!

The players were Aqib Talib and Cory Boyd. Talib was a first-round pick of the Buccaneers; Boyd was a seventh-round selection of the same team.

The players were in a budget and finances meeting, where rookies from four teams were gathered. Talib and Boyd had been jawing at each other for a while, and it came to a head during that specific session.

Last year's 20th overall pick, Aaron Ross, got a $13.5 million contract from the Giants with $8 million in guarantees. Talib will presumably get a little more than that. Boyd will probably be relegated to the practice squad this year, earning a salary of $76,500 ($4,500 per week for 17 game weeks.) It's not all that surprising that two guys with histories of causing trouble got into a fight during a class about finances when such a huge disparity exists between them.

Instructor: Next we're going to talk about investments and managing large sums of money.
Talib: Hey Boyd, you don't need to be here for this. Go run and get me a Coke.
Boyd: Fuck you.
Talib: Seriously, I'll give you $1,000 right now for a Coke.
Boyd: * punches Talib in genitals *

That's one possible scenario. There are others that involve liberal uses of the "N" word and "bitch", too, but I think you see the point. The fact is that these guys were in a place that is specifically set up to show them how to act right, surrounded by people bombarding them with messages of professionalism and warnings of the consequences of screwing up. And they get into a fight in the middle of one of the classes. That takes a special kind of stupid usually reserved for episodes of COPS. Or Gator fans. Maybe the team should consider keeping an extra cornerback on the roster. Talib may not make it through the whole season.

When he heard about the incident, Jerramy Stevens commented, "A fist fight? Aww, that's cute."

Posted by Scott at 8:53 AM | Comments (2)
Tags for this article: aqib talib, career-limiting moves, cory boyd

July 2, 2008

Graham's Deal Up Close

Let's see if we can spell out exactly how this deal is worth $11 million:

• No signing bonus
• $1 million roster bonus for reporting to camp on July 25
• $1.5 million 2008 salary
• $500,000 roster bonus for 2009
• $2 million 2009 salary
• $1 million roster bonus for 2010
• $2 million 2010 salary
• $1.105 million roster bonus for 2011
• $2 million 2011 salary

Because Graham took no signing bonus and pushed any other payouts into roster bonuses, the Buccaneers have very little wrapped up in Graham in any given year. It really is like the team is paying him a $1 million bonus for performing well last year, and after that it's pay-as-you-go. So Graham has bound himself to the Bucs for three additional years, but really got nothing for it except a moderate salary if they decide to keep him. Someone tell me why Drew Rosenhaus is considered such a great agent again.

Another thing is that this deal makes Graham an excellent trade possibility. If he performs well during the season, he could become very valuable trade bait to a team that doesn't want to pay Shaun Alexander what he'll demand or take a chance that Cedric Benson will get liquored up and embarrass their franchise. Graham's deal is very reasonable for anyone who would want to accept it.

Of course, if he is performing well, the Bucs might want to just hold onto him and let him keep running. Cadillac Williams's rehab will determine that to a large extent. When healthy, Cadillac is the most dangerous back on the team . Maybe after six weeks on the PUP, Cadillac is feeling good and running well and the Bucs don't need Graham anymore. Then they can unload him for a mid-round pick if there are any takers out there. And if not, it doesn't matter because he's cheap to keep. They'll just keep repeating that scenario every year until some team offers up what they think Graham is worth.

Posted by Scott at 9:32 AM | Comments (0)
Tags for this article: earnest graham

July 1, 2008

One Of These Things Does Not Belong

Here are the seven representatives from the Buccaneers at the P.R.O. Convention in Atlanta last month. One of them considers deep-fried Snickers bars a health food because it has peanuts in it. Can you guess which one?

Posted by Scott at 9:34 AM | Comments (3)
Tags for this article: cheerleaders, this could have been so much meaner

June 30, 2008

Kevin Jones? Really?

Adam Schefter is reporting that Kevin Jones is considering signing with the Buccaneers.

Free-agent running back Kevin Jones is seriously eyeing the Buccaneers and is considering signing with Tampa. Jones also has drawn interest from New England and Tennessee, but he thinks the situation in Tampa is enticing and the chance exists for him to excel there.

Schefter is a pretty reliable guy, but I just can't imagine that Bruce Allen has extended an offer to Jones, especially with Earnest Graham having just signed his extension. Warrick Dunn isn't going anywhere, Graham isn't in any danger of losing his job now, and Michael Bennett has the speed that Jon Gruden loves and none of his other backs have. Bennett has also performed well for special teams this offseason, and I would think he'd have to totally bomb training camp to get left off the 53 man roster. And that's not even taking into account Cory Boyd, who they drafted in the seventh round this year and Kenneth Darby who Gruden still likes, or Cadillac Williams, who is making good progress on his knee. I suspect this is a tactic by Jones or his agent, Blake Baratz, to get some other team to blink and try to sign Jones before the Bucs. I wouldn't expect any more to come from this.

Posted by Scott at 10:59 PM | Comments (3)
Tags for this article: cadillac williams, cory boyd, earnest graham, kenneth darby, kevin jones, michael bennett, rumors and lies, warrick dunn

June 29, 2008

Earnest Graham Gets "Earnest Graham" Money

Earnest Graham agreed to a three year, $10.5 million deal on Sunday night, making it abundantly clear that good things come to those who wait their damn turn.

When Graham initially started making his feelings about his current contract known, it was reported that he was looking for "Frank Gore" money. Graham got nowhere near that. Gore got $28 million over four years with a $6.5 million signing bonus. We don't know the details of Graham's deal yet, but even just averaged out, it's only $3.5 million per year. Warrick Dunn is averaging $3 million per year, and he's on his last legs. This contract was clearly a reward for last season, but not a commitment for next season. Graham could go in as the #2 or even #3 back and this contract still wouldn't be out of whack.

Jeff Garcia could not be reached for his comments. It is assumed he pulled his face out of his wife's thighs long enough to shake his head and say, "Any day now, assholes!"

Posted by Scott at 11:29 PM | Comments (2)
Tags for this article: earnest graham, frank gore, jeff garcia, warrick dunn

June 26, 2008

Sapp Flaps Yap

Warren Sapp is always a good interview, and this one he did with Rick Stroud is no exception despite who was asking the questions. He covers a lot of ground, but maybe the most interesting piece is what he wrote about his relationship with Monte Kiffin.

So who was responsible for you having to leave the Bucs?

It was all of them, but Monte (Kiffin) led the charge. He said, "We can do it without him." Me and Monte had the rockiest relationship -- a stepson-to-stepfather relationship. It was always his defense, and he barked people out of the building. It was too much about him.

Kiffin always seemed like a ballbuster to me. He's throw his hat down and jump up and down to make a point, kind of like when Elmer Fudd would get tricked into shooting himself in the face for the tenth time. But I wouldn't have thought it would affect a guy like Sapp. Regardless, he handled his dismissal well at the time and still doesn't hold a grudge against the organization for letting him walk.

So how did it go down?

We've all talked about it. Monte wanted to go with Mac. Jon looks at (Rod) Marinelli, who has full faith in McFarland. What can he say? I can't fault them for what they did. I was like 30 at the time. I'd take the younger dude who looks like me on tape. What they failed to realize is they only make someone like me once in a lifetime.

When did McFarland ever look like Sapp on tape? Did he mean "in tape", as in they both got their ankles taped the same way? That's all he could possibly mean. McFarland went from promising nose tackle to terrible under tackle faster than you can say "fore!"

Sapp covers several other topics including the reason he retired, his Hall of Fame credentials and his time with the Raiders. NFL Adam covers those last two items, although he doesn't think Sapp has the resume to make it into the Hall. Hey, they can't all be Rams and Chargers.

Posted by Scott at 9:36 AM | Comments (7)
Tags for this article: buccaneer history, warren sapp

June 25, 2008

Be Careful What You Wish For, New York Dude

Somebody who writes for the Bleacher Report thinks bringing Chris Simms to the Jets is a good way to bridge the gap between the old (Chad Pennington) and the new (according to the author, Eric Ainge).

My solution for the Jets is to trade for Tampa's Chris Simms. He has not played since his spleen surgery in 2006 and has been castigated by Bucs coach Jon Gruden. I don't blame Simms for the fallout, it's all about Gruden asserting his authority. Either way, this kid's talent is being wasted.

Yes, it's all about Gruden and his authority to not play a guy whose last several games have resulted in... no, you know what? Fuck it. I've rehashed the stats too many times. You want Simms? Fucking have him. If you thought Simms was soft when he crumpled after Gruden yelled at him for a couple seconds after a bad play, wait until 80,000 New Yorkers watch him throw a pick to start a game. They'll eat him up like a slice of Famous Ray's original New York style pepperoni pizza -- best in the city! New Yorkers aren't exactly known for their patience and even temperament. They're pretty much known for being incessantly rude douches who are always mad and constantly yell. They know it, too. It's not a secret. Hell, they're proud of it. I think it's on their license plates.

Simms is from New Jersey, has a famous father and he would certainly give this franchise the PR boost it most desperately needs. What have they got to lose?

Games.

I don't know why this guy is so quick to give up on Kellen Clemens. Because of his height? He's 6-2, not exactly Flutie-esque. Simms is only two inches taller, and it hasn't helped him get the ball over the defensive line. The author seems to think Ainge is the future of the Jets. And I agree. Ainge was one of the most NFL-ready quarterbacks to come out this year. He's smart, makes good decisions, is incredibly athletic and is a leader. The only drawback is that he gets sloppy when he has to start throwing on the run. And look how well he's already fitting into New York society.

But, yeah, take Simms. It won't be long before a sixth round pick is adequate compensation for him. Then I can feel better about giving up the same for Brian Griese a couple months ago.

Posted by Scott at 10:22 AM | Comments (4)
Tags for this article: chad pennington, chris simms, eric ainge, jets, kellen clemens, tennessee volunteers

Cummings Goes Both Ways

I was reading this article in Sporting News by what appeared to be just another general NFL hack making his way through the league with vague and pointless prognostications of each team, none of which he really knows anything about. These lines are particularly funny. And by funny, I mean infuriating.

In Tampa Bay, the Jon Gruden era has enjoyed the consistency of a seesaw. Every time the team makes its way up, it drops right back down.

If that trend continues following last season's NFC South title -- and there's reason to believe it could -- 2008 will be another downer for the Buccaneers.

Ok, so he thinks 2008 will be bad, right?

Brooks and Barber, in particular, continue to lead one of the league's stingiest defenses. If the offense can keep pace, the Bucs could become the first team in the division's seven-year history to claim back-to-back crowns.

Oh, wait, 2008 will be good. I guess. It didn't really surprise me that someone who is just trying to fill space would walk the fence like this, but then I read that it was a Roy Cummings article and was actually shocked. Cummings is a biased assclown with an irrational hate of all things Allen and Gruden, but I at least thought he knew stuff. Ugh.

Bottom line

The Bucs have the talent to become the first repeat champion in the NFC South, but too many key players such as Garcia, Galloway and Brooks have their best years behind them.

So, then, do they have the talent or don't they? It reads like he has an opinion that he's scared to share, which is kind of unusual for him since he normally only spreads on enough positive stuff to keep the Bucs from banning him from press conferences. At least he normally picks a side, but not this time. And he still got paid to write an article about the upcoming Bucs season. Next to being a porn star with a natural immunity to AIDS, he has got to have the best job in the world.

Posted by Scott at 9:24 AM | Comments (0)
Tags for this article: someone actually paid this person to write this shit, tampa media

June 24, 2008

Don Imus Doesn't Care About Black People

After hearing a news report about Adam Jones dropping the nickname "Pacman", radio host Don Imus had the following old-man episode with his news anchor:

During a morning segment on his WABC radio show in New York, Imus was listening to a report from anchor Warner Wolf about Jones dropping his nickname, "Pacman."

Wolf mentioned that Jones was arrested six times since he was drafted in 2005.

Imus then asked, "What color is he?"

"He's African-American," Wolf said.

"Well, there you go," Imus said. "Now we know."

In a textbook case of "You know you fucked up when", Jones had the following response:

"I'm truly upset about the comments," Jones said. "Obviously Mr. Imus has problems with African-Americans. I'm upset, and I hope the station he works for handles it accordingly. I will pray for him."

Imus has to feel like complete shit. Not because of what he said... I'm sure he meant it. But the man who was arrested six times, involved in a shooting that left a man paralyzed, suspended from the NFL for a year and is exactly one jaywalking ticket away from never being allowed to touch a football again is praying for him. That's like Charles Manson calling you crazy or Mike Myers calling you unfunny. How do you sink lower?

Imus just needs to keep his nose out of football stories altogether. Just by asking the question, he showed he has no knowledge of the game at all. Quick, name five white cornerbacks in the last ten years. Once you get past Jason Sehorn, you're kind of stuck, aren't you? Everybody knows that. Imus is either just that dumb, or he was trying to make a point. Now, using the "What is more likely?" test, which one would you pick?

(Upon further review, NFL Adam already made the Sehorn reference, but since I still thought of it myself, I'm still keeping mine up. It actually frightens me a little that I think like he does. Someone do me the favor of slapping me if I ever start rooting for the Angels.)

Posted by Scott at 10:52 AM | Comments (1)
Tags for this article: douchebags, pacman jones